My children and I have different views on spoiling my grandchildren

I want to be able spoil my grandchildren…however my own children don’t see it that way… I have a son and

I want to be able spoil my grandchildren…however my own children don’t see it that way…

I have a son and a daughter and each have two kids with their respective partners. When they were growing up, we were dirt poor – we lived in a shed on my husband’s property. He barely had a job, moving between any odd jobs he could find.

It was so hard to see my children go without. They were also full and happy, but they didn’t have many toys and we sure as heck didn’t go on holidays. My kids didn’t go outside the town until they were 17 and moving to the city for university – it was hard enough trying to go into town (200km away) with the kids, so I can only imagine how much it would’ve cost to go to another state or country.

It took many years for us to get on our feet. Happily, we sold our property for much more than we thought and were able to move to the city to be with our children. Then the grandies came along and life was sweet. As children do, they ask for things. And I was more than happy to oblige! I figured this was my way of making it up to my kids – I wanted to shower my grandchildren with toys and activities and holidays.

But it hasn’t been as easy as I thought, and I often feel that my son and daughter don’t appreciate the lengths we go to for the littlies. When I’ve explained why I want to do it, they get extremely critical and make me feel like a bad grandparent. My daughter especially feels that I’m making them become spoilt, demanding brats and they’ll never learn anything from random presents.

I have to say I disagree. I think grandparents have a special role in a grandchild’s life, and they know the distinction – they know that Nanny and Pop are there for special occasions and Mummy and Daddy make the rules and are always there. They can trust us to provide support but do know that what their parents say, goes.

I just want my kids to realise this is my way of saying I’m sorry, and that I want my grandkids to feel like they are never missing out on an experience – I would have loved to take these holidays with my own children, but this is the next best thing.

Does anyone else feel the same way?

  1. I do agree that grandparents are for the extras and that it is one of life’s great pleasures to treat them. But having had a mother-in-law who deliberately attempted to undermine me with my children – and seeing the same behaviour with other grandparents, I do think you need to tread a little carefully. Kids can be great at playing one adult off against another! And remember that your children will be parenting the way you did. Would you have felt it OK when your children were little? If you would have, then all good.

  2. I love my grandchildren I spoil them with love. I don’t have a lot of money but love spending time with them. We do go to the movies, the park and playing board games together. We are s very loving family, my children and I agree on how they should be brought up and so far it works for us

  3. Spoiling as a concept: you can’t spoil a child with love. You can’t even spoil them with material possessions. A spoilt child is one with a sense of entitlement who is never happy with what you do, and would prefer to be a brat. You throw out spoiled fruit, don’t you?

  4. my children we’re fabulous they use to say when you are with your grad parents they are the but when you are at home we are the boss and it worked

  5. Not becausecwe were poor or my kids missed out, but just because l love to spend time with my grandkids and see their happy faces enjoying places l take them:-)

  6. Define spoiling…..I do not consider taking them out and doing activities spoiling them….buying them toys and giving into them is!! My kids did not have everything they demanded it has not done them any harm they are very nice people.

  7. I think your kids have learned the true value of life having good responsible parents. I like to take my grandkids something when I see them but my daughter doesn’t want this either and she doesn’t have room for extra stuff so I take special foods that the kids like such as raspberries or let them help me ice and decorate a cake although that was a bit ambitious, more scoffing than decorating.

  8. I dont have much money but I make things for the grandies..if I see something I message my daughter and if she likes it I make them one.
    I think I spoil my grandies in other ways…let them paint and make messes…never get stressed with them…its not all about money, I think I enjoy their company and love them to bits…my job is just to love them…with your own children you need to discipline them.
    I respect my daughters wishes as I firmly beleive parents have the right to bring their children uo their way.

  9. It is a grandparents job to spoil their grandchildren. However I would not buy my grandchildren everything they asked for. I think the spoiling should be allowing them a little more freedom to bend the rules, spending time with them, taking them out and just being silly with them. I can understand why a person who was unable to spend a lot of money on her children would want to indulge her grandchildren but she must take care not to be seen as an ever available source of money. I think that is what concerns the parents.

  10. Dianne Evans  

    I did not think it is spoiling I give time and focus and spend the days doing what they like parks,pools,surf,tree climbing,train rides , I try too have heathy food they like and treats. I like them too feel loved ! My oldest three are in their twenties now and they range down too 7 and I have had joyous times with them all.

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