It’s time to stop judging… I’m a solo over-60 and I love it

I wasn’t always a fan of spending time alone… When my husband first passed away I missed his company immensely and

I wasn’t always a fan of spending time alone… When my husband first passed away I missed his company immensely and constantly. It was such a sudden change to go from having someone there with me all the time – to talk to, to watch TV with, to add life to the house – to being completely alone in a quiet and empty house.

My children had moved out a few years earlier so it was literally just me alone in our once noisy and boisterous family home. It was so quiet all the time that I took to leaving the TV or radio on just to fill the silence and make myself feel less lonely.

My husband and I used to go out for meals or to the movies together on the weekend and suddenly I felt like all that was impossible… I’d been married for most of my life and was used to doing things together. The idea of going to a restaurant on my own or doing a ‘couples’ activity was daunting to say the least.

Like most people do, I found that things got better over time. Slowly, I became accustomed to the quiet and began to enjoy being able to come home after a long day and relax without being disturbed by anyone.

I started to appreciate how easy it was to cook for one and to only have myself to tidy up after. I began going to the movies and eating out on my own and soon enough I was enjoying my solo time and wondering why I was ever scared of being on my own.

I know how wonderful it is to have a partner and to have someone to share your life with, but to be honest, I wouldn’t give up the life I have now to be with someone new.

I have so much time to myself to enjoy doing the things I’m interested in and love the freedom of not having to answer to anyone or sacrifice my needs for theirs.

I’ve realised that, as much as I love him, my husband and I were stuck in a rut doing the same things day after day and never really branching out of our comfort zone. Now I make a point of trying new things and making time for what’s important to me.

I’ve travelled through Europe on my own, earned a degree online through correspondence learning, redesigned and planted my entire garden, and made more time for my friends and my social life.

To be completely honest, there are times when I feel pangs of loneliness; when I miss my children and having someone to talk to in the evenings, but the happiness and contentment of my solo life far outweigh these sporadic feelings.

Having the confidence to enjoy spending time on my own and going out with just me, myself and I has been the most wonderful lesson I have ever learned. I feel so much braver and more comfortable in my own skin now than I ever did when I was younger.

Living on my own and embracing my solo life has allowed me to teach my children that it’s ok to be alone; it’s not the horrible and sad scenario many people believe it to be.

I tell my friends about how wonderful it can be to be on your own, and while some agree and tell me they often envy my freedom, there are others who nod sympathetically as if I was trying to convince them and myself that I am happy with my life.

At the end of the day, I know how happy I am with the choices I have made and how I’ve lived my life since my husband’s passing. I know he would be happy for me too.

Can you relate to this writer’s story? Do you enjoy spending time on your own? Or, do you find it difficult be by yourself?

  1. It’s been almost 6 months for me and I’m not feeling this way yet. How long did it take you to adjust?

    • It’s different for everyone. I hope you have family and friends to support you Kay and find courage try to find pleasure in things that interest you. All the best.

    • Michelle  

      It can be a long time. You’re getting there when you sleep like a starfish in the middle of the bed and you realise you’re actually NOT the only one on the freeway driving home to an empty house, when you cook steak with green peppercorn sauce on a Friday night instead of eating toast and vegemite…again and you make yourself a Negroni without your mother’s words ringing in your ears “never drink alone” for fear you might become a ‘wardrobe’ drinker. I think you have to travel at your own pace it might be 2 years or 22…but like the tortoise – you get there in the end.

  2. I’m married BUT know I could very happily live on my own. I am regularly alone but never lonely

  3. It has been 4 years now but I wouldn’t change things after doings things after everyone for so long it is nice to only look after yourself. I am still travelling and being with people but I only have myself to worry about

  4. I’ve been on my own for 15 yrs I work in two theatre s I’m 68 always worked I’ve got 4 son’s since I’ve been on my own been to Thailand 6 times los Vegas Vietnam and go out with friend it does get a bit lonely sometimes but rather that than live with some one who knocks you about xxx

    • Lesley Evans  

      I’m with you girlfriend …. I live with my dog and 2 cats and my dog loves his Mum! Do you think there is excitement when I arrive home from work – absolutely! I’m not missing anything at all by no longer having a partner in my life….. I love travelling solo!

  5. I am happy being alone. My husband passed away when I was 38 and I have never felt the need to remarry or be partnered even though I have been asked. I believe it is a matter of how much in love you were and whether a new partner could totally fill the void lost. I find myself easily occupied but others may not.

  6. I think it depends on why you are single and what your relationship was like. Thus it’s different for everyone. My husband died when I was 30 with 2 children under 4. I’ve never met another soulmate and it took me many years to accept that I may always be single. I think becoming a grandmother 10 years ago gave me a new outlook on life and much joy. I’m quite happy as a single now. I’ve always lived life to the fullest and had many friends and interests as well as many challenges. I’m sure it is very different for people who’ve been married for a long time and I can’t even imagine the sense of loss they must feel.

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