Fifty Shades of Grey... a poem

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES

The missus bought a Paperback,

down Shepton Mallet way,

I had a look inside her bag…

T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

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Well I just left her to it,

And at ten I went to bed.

An hour later she appeared;

The sight filled me with dread.

In her left hand she held a rope;

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And in her right a whip!

She threw them down upon the floor,

And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;

I might have had a peek;

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But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;

She’s eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and grind;

Could not have been much grimmer.

And things then went from bad to worse;

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She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet

A couple minutes later;

She put her teeth back in and said

“I am a dominator!!”

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Now if you knew our Mabel,

You’d see just why I spluttered,

I’d spent two months in traction

For the last complaint I’d uttered.

She stood there nude and naked

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Bent forward just a bit

I went to hold her, sensual like

and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;

My God what had I done!

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She moaned and groaned then shouted out:

“Step on the other one!!”

Well readers, I can tell no more;

Of what occurred that day.

Suffice to say my jet black hair,

Turned fifty shades of grey!!