Who do you miss most?

The pain of losing a loved one can be intensely real. It’s a feeling beyond all emotion, and as theatrical

The pain of losing a loved one can be intensely real. It’s a feeling beyond all emotion, and as theatrical as it might sound, the wearying reality we must all experience at some time in our lives can actually break our heart. Who do you miss most?

The stages of mourning and grief are universal and experienced by people of all walks of life. We may spend different lengths of time working through each step and express it with different levels of intensity and they do not necessarily occur in any specific order. However, if you’ve lost a loved one, you’ve likely experienced this process.

It can sometimes be helpful to look at the stages of grief as guides in the grieving process – to help you understand and put into context where you are. Here are some of the stages: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

When we have suffered loss, it’s important we give ourselves time. Time to settle, time to talk and time to reflect. Keeping our mind busy with hobbies and new activities will allow us to move through the hard times. It’s ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience – nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others can be there to support you. What do you think? How do you cope with loss?

  1. Scott Elliott  

    The most dreadful loss is losing one of your children … especially a young adult child who was still living at home.
    I’m now 61 years old and feel the pain every single day. I lost my 24 year old son suddenly and traumatically on Christmas Day 2009. He suffered a massive head injury 5 days before at Barbagallo Raceway. To make it worse I witnessed his death accident. I often see it as an internal video loop over and over.

    On Christmas Eve we made the heart wrenching decision to remove the life support and he died at 4am the next morning.

    How do you recover from such an event? Well you don’t … you learn to live and adapt to the constant feeling of wooden stake driven into your chest and dark cloud nearby.

    The distressing thing is his death was preventable. The managers of the circuit were warned many years ago the wall they constructed with used earthmoving tyres was dangerous and had no reason to be there. It was built as way of disposing of old tyres not for any operational or safety reason. It’s in a non spectating area of the circuit. Two lives now claimed by that wall and there will be more to come.

    For anyone interested in stopping these preventable deaths please take the time to read my story. Hopefully you’ll find it interesting if nothing else.

    Kind regards, Scott


  2. Susan Bell  

    My daughter, 36 years ago and the pain is never ending, thankfully I had read Kubler-Ross’ book on grief.
    The hardest part was realising the intense bullying I was victim of had helped in her death days after her birth.
    That bullying, which went on for a couple of years, was from a loudly self acclaiming Christian. When she heard I was pregnant, every day she would come into my place of work (even on her off days) and she would tell me that god would take my baby as I was not a Christian.
    Every day I think about my daughter, every day I wish I had listened to myself not to the doctors who really failed in their duty of care, everyday I wonder how she would have turned out, what career she would choose etc., It is the loss of potential which is so hard to bear.

    • Scott Elliott  

      I relate to that Susan … It’s the fact my son missed out on a life with all it’s ups and downs. He was taken just after he finished his degree. He was planning to move out of home to make his own way in the world. It’s the loss of a chance to live a live that fills me with sadness.

      Some Christian you speak of. Those types are such hypocrites. Bullying you because she was so judgmental. Life’s not meant to be easy as Malcolm Fraser said. It’s certainly tough for a lot of us. Our society lacks empathy and understanding nowadays. They certainly can’t handle the bereaved. There’s something wrong with you if you’re grieving. We’re supposed to be happy all the time and “get over it” or “move on” … yeah right. Let them see how they go when they’re faced with their own tragedy.

      I’ve had judgemental comments from people who should know better … mostly family. Absolutely no idea what it’s like but they’re quick to tell me what I should do. I’ve cut them out of my life. It’s the only way.

  3. Lori Hackney  

    My father left us when I was 15. He was 53 and it has been 47 years since he passed. He was a hardworking, wise and gentle man and a wonderful father. I have memories of him that I can share with my son and also later on with his little boy. I loved my Dad dearly and I have missed him being a part of my life and my family.

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