‘My son, 15, planned his own quirky funeral and now I do the same for a living’

When Andrea Bowkett’s teenage son Scott was told the unimaginable news that he had terminal cancer, he refused to let it stop him living life to the full. And while his family struggled to come to terms with their grief, he began planning his own unique funeral to ensure his loved ones were able to celebrate his life, rather than mourn his death.

From banning the colour black and instead having guests dress up in fancy dress, to ensuring his own coffin came complete with a Stormtrooper to honour his love of Star Wars, Scott left no stone unturned as he laid out his wishes for an incredible send-off.

The brave Aussie teen sadly lost his battle with osteosarcoma, a type of bone cancer, almost six years ago at the age of 15. Incredibly he defied doctors’ initial predictions when he was first diagnosed and lived a full life for another 14 months, undergoing a gruelling 12 months of chemotherapy and even having to have his arm amputated – all while remaining positive and spreading an inspirational message to other families throughout.

“Scott’s story is interesting because being a teenage boy he didn’t want to talk about changes in his body to me, so he actually kept it a secret for a while. His arm was really sore and swelling and it was his best mate that dobbed on him,” his mum Andrea explained to Starts at 60.

“That’s the only reason he was diagnosed when he was. His mate is a bit of a hero. The time that he was diagnosed he was very, very unwell. Within two days he was in intensive care and they were telling us to prepare for the worst. He was a bit of a fighter so he definitely defied the odds compared to what the doctors thought would happen. Having that happen to him kind of turned his life around, he grew up so much in the last 14 months of his life. He became a man and someone to be very proud of.”

Sadly, despite Scott battling through the regular treatments, he was told shortly after that the cancer had become terminal – and it’s then that he set about planning his final send-off to ensure his loved ones focused on all of the happy memories of his life, from his love of reptiles to his funny habit of pranking those he loved.

“In the couple of weeks after we found out he was terminal, we talked about it a lot. It was very difficult for other people to understand that conversation because it’s something that’s so taboo, but for us it was really important to make sure that things were done the way that he wanted,” Andrea said. “He did go downhill quite quickly so when it came to it, towards the end he couldn’t really talk to us and tell us as much, but we put it all into action when he passed away.”

Thanks to his brave decision and amazingly quirky plans, Andrea was able to help organise everything from a huge motorbike procession, to having everyone dress up in funny fancy dress. She recalled: “The funeral home that we went to, I walked in there and said, ‘I know how you do your job, but we’re going to do this my way… And it will be different to what you’re used to’. I think they were a little taken aback, but when I told them Scott’s plans the funeral director told me they had the perfect celebrant for me… We were a perfect fit and he’s been a great mentor for me.”

One of the stand-out moments on the day came when a guest released two baby crocodiles in the middle of the service, sending people running and jumping on chairs in a surprise that Andrea described as “perfect” for her reptile-loving son.

“I didn’t actually know that the guy was going to be there,” she explained. “During his treatment, Scott had taken part in the filming for Juice TV. It’s filmed by kids in hospital and it’s played to kids in hospital. Scott and his sister filmed the pilot for that and one of the things they did was interview a reptile keeper.

“This guy came [to the funeral] in his crocodile onesie with two crocodiles in his hands and on his lap. At the end, just as the service was ending and the curtains were closing – everyone was getting a little teary – and these crocodiles jumped off the guy’s lap and ran through everybody’s feet.

“People were swearing and jumping onto their chairs. It was really, really funny. One went up to the front of the chapel and the celebrant picked it up and put it on the lectern and for the rest of the service it sat there watching the congregation! Scott was a real practical joker and a pranker and all that sort of thing so it was the perfect way to end his service and the way we were celebrating his life. It was hilarious!”

It was a day that ultimately shaped Andrea’s own future, as she was inspired to continue his legacy and help other families plan the same services in the future by ditching her service station job and going into the funeral business herself. It was a passion she’d had for years, after tragically also losing her daughter as a baby years before.

“Her funeral planted a seed for me I guess that I wanted to do funerals and I wanted to be involved,” she said of her late daughter. “After losing Scott, I ended up working for the celebrant that did his service. I did think during Scott’s illness that maybe that wouldn’t be the path I’d go down after that experience, but his funeral pushed me and showed other people in the industry as well that I had this really unique passion for saying farewell in an unusual way. In more personalised ways.”

Andrea began by working as a telephone consultant for the celebrant at first, before going on to work for a friend doing mortuary transfers. When her friend then bought a small funeral home in their hometown of Ipswich in Queensland, L.R. Thomas Funeral Director, she began working part-time as a funeral director and in-house celebrant.

While Andrea explained that a lot of the old traditions from the funeral home before they got there still exist, she has ensured she offers a new modern spin too, helping families to plan funerals with a difference that focus on celebrating their loved one’s life and happiest memories.

“We celebrated [Scott’s] life and that’s what I think the funeral industry should be more focused on, the celebration of life rather than the people that are mourning,” she said. “Especially if you’ve lived a full life, there’s so many more memories other than the day that person died. We did that with Scott’s service… It was a tragedy but I’ve turned it into a triumph by helping other people that are experiencing loss.”