When ‘everything’ I touched seemed to end in near disaster

Get out the manual

They came to stay for just a week, his niece, her husband too,
Jean offered to assist with things, as visitors should do.
But never ever let her stay, just DON’T say YES again,
For after this short visit ? — life will never be the same.

She tried to cook a meal for five, the oven’s new to her,
With buttons, dials and switches, the need to peel and stir.
She pulled the knob, it came right out, and all the cooking ceased,
Not only that — the lights and power, in jeopardy the feast.
Perhaps the neighbours, and the town were all without their power,
Perhaps she’d even made it trip the communications tower.
“Get out the manual!” once again, to try to fix the knob,
Regain the power, lights and all, the fuse had done its job.

They needed to have cleaner clothes so Doug’s idea — the airer –,
To go outside, no chance of rain, the weather was much fairer.
She carried it, but then the need to unfold the bloody thing.
“Get out the manual!” Jean did yell, her hand was squashed within,
As hinges bent and flexed the bars, she screamed to Doug to do
What every day he knew, but poor Jean’s hand was black and blue.

With breezy weather — greater load of washing then was done
To put it on the rotary line, to flap beneath the sun.
But lines and hinges once again… “The Manual!” She did cry
But Doug he saved embarrassment, eyes lifting to the sky.
The pegs then broke within her clutch, the UV rays had won,
A handful of springs and plastic shards… “just look at what you’ve done”.

The dishwasher was set to go, all loaded to the brim,
But in the morning naught had happened, unbeknown to him.
“Get out the manual!” Doug yelled out. “The lights and clock aren’t right”
But pushing buttons, cleared the PAUSE, and all was good in sight.

The back door latch was faulty, she couldn’t make it shift.
The plug within the bath upstairs impossible to lift.
“Get out the manual! turn the pages, check out how it goes
Before the water keeps on rising, ‘fore it overflows”

Now all is calm, Jean keeps away from dishwashers and gadgets,
She doesn’t want her uncle Doug to have to change his habits,
But next time, when she comes to stay, ensuring all is well
She’ll come via Spain, and bring with her, a guy named ‘Manuel’.