‘Coping with anxiety and fear for the future during the coronavirus pandemic’

Its just turned midnight and I haven’t been sleeping well over the past couple of weeks. I know it is because of the coronavirus I’ve been worried and anxious and stressed.

I listen to the news every night and it just seems to get worse. It’s been more than five years since I watched a news broadcast — I’d been isolating myself from outside influences, but now I feel I should be as up to date as possible with what is happening, both around the world but especially on those issues relating to New Zealand where I live.

We have 600 confirmed cases of Covid-19 across the country and I am worried about going to see my doctor to get my flu shot. The one I get every year and up until now I haven’t worried about going to his surgery, but now I am totally anxious.

I got out my painting masks and gloves to wear. I will be taken there by the Driving Miss Daisy car and they will wait the 20 minutes with me after I have the shot. I think I should probably sit in the back seat of the car (social distancing being 2 metres) and feel that I should wear a mask and gloves just to be on the safe side. I might call the doctor’s office for their advice before I arrive.

While watching the news I heard about many people suffering from anxiety that they never had before. I can understand how they feel.

I have an anxiety disorder, which I have suffered from for more than 20 years. I know the drill. Even being aware of my condition doesn’t make it any easier. It’s just the same old anxiety, but with a bit more clout. The global pandemic has certainly given me something to worry about.

In my shopping from the internet (which was delivered) I also purchased a packet of cigarettes, which I smoked all afternoon. I finished an entire packet in a matter of eight hours! I felt sick with a headache, totally my own doing of course. I must return to vaping, which gives me no side effects.

The vaping modules come from China and I was assured by the warehouse (I called them) that they had sufficient stock to keep clients going for about two months so that made me feel better. I am clinging onto the fact that the vaping is supposedly assisting me with my anxiety.

I’m aware it still has nicotine, but not all the other bad things found in cigarettes. I would hate to run out of the refills and not be able to suck on my ‘puffing billy’ vaping machine.

It’s all psychosomatic, but it is the total crock I need to keep sane and grounded. You’d think that at 70 years old you wouldn’t need to use something like that, but I do need the comfort. I don’t drink and I’m sure that people will be consuming more booze than usual with the self-isolation going on at the moment

The additional hand washing is fine. I was always washing my hands (from my mother’s insistence whilst I was growing up) so I don’t have any problems there. I do touch my face to put on creams and make-up but I make sure my hands are newly washed and dried well before I touch my face.

So many people don’t know how to wash their hands properly. I think it’s a bit of an art form to wash them properly with soap and water, getting in between the fingers and the back of your hands and then rinsing well and drying with a paper towel that you then put into the rubbish. I do have a cloth towel at the hand basin, which I now wash daily and use that to dry my hands sometimes. With the frequency of hand washing though, the towel is often damp and doesn’t dry my hands well enough.

Social distancing is another problem for me as my caregivers who give me showers have to stand close to assist me with drying my body. That is a concern. I need the showers — otherwise I would be the great unwashed — so they have to stand closer than 2m to me when I shower and help me to get dressed.

Their protocols cannot change and I am aware that they look after many older people including one 109-year-old woman who lives in a rest home. I have heard she takes the bus to her local mall for a coffee at least twice a week with no assistance from anyone. I think she is so brave. I don’t leave my home for days and sometimes weeks on end, so am really isolated.

This coronavirus has really shaken up the entire planet and I don’t see it getting any better any time soon. I think that maybe next year most things will be back to normal and they may well have a vaccine by then, which would be a miracle

Thank God I have sufficient food to last me for a month and I got all my prescriptions last week for three months as there could well be a shortage of some medications. I did not know that a lot of medicines come into New Zealand on passenger jets. Now the airlines are not flying as many flights as they used to so hopefully medications will still be a priority.

I would die without my medications. I am diabetic as well as bi-polar. All my meds are made overseas, nothing I take is made here in New Zealand

I am worried for my children, my friends and the workers. Keep safe everyone!

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