The last 12 months have been great for raising the voice of the over-60s community at Starts at 60, something we feel strongly about doing. During the next few weeks we are celebrating the blogs that resonated with readers the most throughout the year. This blog is one of our Top 30 blogs for 2018.
Robert was in a dilemma. He and his wife of 32 years had always had a healthy sex life, but over the 10 years or so, her desire for sex had been waning. In the last two years, he was lucky if they had sex four times a year and it was tearing him apart inside.
A man without sex is like a fish without water and no sex was making him grumpy and uncommunicative. Without sex, he didn’t feel complete as a man. But what could he do? He didn’t want to pressure her or make her feel uncomfortable. After all, she was his best friend.
As we become older, a new set of coordinates are introduced into our sex life. While many of these factors can be present at all ages, they may become more pronounced as we age. For a woman, these include inner vaginal dryness, menopause, a lower libido, and problems achieving orgasm. For men, the predominant factors include erectile dysfunction and early ejaculation problems. Some men have problems achieving ejaculation. These all contribute to a low libido and eventual lack of desire for sex in either or both partners.
These factors are compounded by pain experienced in various parts of the body. When sex becomes too painful or otherwise distracting, a lowered libido is the natural result. Why have sex when it’s too difficult? Modifying common sexual positions can significantly reduce pain caused by aging or old injuries.
Communication is key. As Robert found out when he and his wife consulted with me, many issues can be resolved with advanced sexual knowledge and techniques.
First, you need to find out what is really going on with a partner’s lack of desire for sex, otherwise, your mind will imagine the worst scenarios! For example, when a woman reaches her early 40s she usually starts experiencing inner vaginal dryness. This feels like being rubbed with sandpaper on the inside of her vagina, and it’s very painful.
This was one of the key issues for Robert’s wife. While she had initially put up with the pain for the first eight years, after a while it started killing her libido. She didn’t want to disappoint her husband, but sex just became too painful. Inner vaginal dryness can be easily rectified with an inner vaginal flush. This inner flush technique quickly made penetration and intercourse easy, enjoyable and fun. It also made it easier for her to stay focused so she could achieve orgasm.
It’s important to also use an external lubricant to make penetration easier. As men become older they can find it more difficult to penetrate. This may be due to a weak erection or early ejaculation problem, or just that his partner has less natural lubrication. Many women don’t like using external lube because they have previously experienced a burning sensation. A good organic lube will prevent ‘burning’ and allow for an easier entry.
It’s important to note that an ongoing premature ejaculation, weak erection or ejaculation issue can contribute to a partner’s eventual lack of interest. In the last 10 years, Robert had erred toward losing his hard erection. He could sense that his wife wasn’t really present with him and that would contribute to his mind becoming distracted. She had thought that he was no longer attracted to her, and that would also put her off having sex as she felt unattractive.
Due to a lack of relevant sex education knowledge, sexual dysfunction problems are often misunderstood. For instance, many men start losing their hard erection because they focus too much attention on their partner during foreplay. This confuses their brain as to which program is wanted.
With the right thought, action, and focusing techniques in place, Robert was able to restore strong erections and improve his ejaculation timing. We slightly modified one of their best sexual positions to make intercourse easier for both of them. His wife now understood that his erection issues were mostly caused by his love for her and focusing on the wrong things. With their combined new techniques for sex in place, intimacy was able to be restored.
To make sure sex is enjoyable over 60, address any issues as they arise. While it’s important to always check for medical issues, many sexual ‘malfunction’ issues can be solved by modifying your technique before and during foreplay, penetration, and intercourse.