Daily Joke: My Christmas cake recipe

Dec 17, 2021
Let's get cracking! Source: Getty Images

Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe, so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year! (I made my cake this morning!)


  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 1 cup water
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 cup brown sugar
  • Lemon juice
  • 4 large eggs
  • Nuts
  • 1 bottle Vodka
  • 2 cups dried fruit


  1. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality.
  2. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality then repeat.
  3. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
  4. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
  5. At this point, it is best to make sure the Vodka is still okay. Try another cup just in case.
  6. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
  7. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner.
  8. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
  9. Sample the Vodka to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the Vodka.
  10. Now [email protected]#$%^&* shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table.
  11. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
  12. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
  13. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the Vodka and wipe the counter with the cat.

Need another laugh? Have a look at some of our other great jokes here.

Leave your comment

Please sign in to post a comment.
Retrieving conversation…
Stories that matter
Emails delivered daily
Sign up