Jokes

Starts at 60 Daily Joke: A man spots an old friend

Rachael Rosel

Sep 22, 2019

"I am the clarinet player for the International Orchestra." Source: Pixabay.

A man is walking around the city one day when he spots an old friend of his from college.

“George!” he yells. “I haven’t seen you in ages! How have you been?”

“Well,” George replies. “I am the Clarinet player for the International Orchestra.”

“Spectacular! ” the man replies.

“It is not what you might think, my friend. We play for the Queen of England, she loves the music. She says: ‘Fill the instruments with gold!’ and they fill the Tuba with gold and they fill the Saxophone with gold, and me with the darn Clarinet.”

“We play for the queen of France. She loves the music. She says: ‘Fill the instruments with silver!’ and they fill the Tuba with silver and they fill the Saxophone with silver, and me with the bloody Clarinet.

“Then we play for the Tsar of Russia. He hates the music. He says: ‘Shove the instruments up their backsides!’ and the tuba doesn’t fit and the Saxophone doesn’t fit. And me with the bloody Clarinet!”

Starts at 60 Daily Joke: A man was courting a woman

A certain man, notorious for his slowness, paid attention for two years to a young lady without coming to the point. The girl’s father thought it time for him to interfere.

So, on the man’s next visit, the father interviewed him: “Jacob, you’ve been setting up with Nellie, and taking her to picnics, and to church and the movies, and nothing’s come of it. So, now, Jacob, I ask you, as man to man, what are your intentions?”

And Jacob responded unabashed: “Well, answering you as man to man, I’ll say there shouldn’t be any cause for you to ruffle your shirt. My intentions are honourable, but remote.”