An older man went to his doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body. After a thorough examination, the doctor gave him a clean bill of health.
“You’re in excellent shape for a 75-year-old man,” he said. “But I’m afraid I can’t make you any younger.”
“Who asked you to make me younger?” the man replied. “You just make sure I keep getting older!”
Billy-Bob walks into a bar and says: “Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!”
The bartender says: “Well, seems you’re in a really good mood tonight, huh?”
Billy-Bob says: “Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!”
The bartender congratulates him and proceeds to pour the round.
Monday evening arrives and Billy-Bob comes back into the bar and says: “Bartender, two rounds for everyone, on me!”
The bartender says: “Well now! If you’re so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you’ll be when you get your pay check!”
Billy-Bob looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his face, pulls out a handful of coins from his pocket, and says: “You mean they’ll pay me too?”
Every Friday after work, a mathematician goes down to the ice cream shop, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which is empty, and asks a girl, who isn’t there, if he can buy her an ice cream cone.
The owner, who is used to the weird, local university types, always shrugs but keeps quiet. But when Valentine’s Day arrives, and the mathematician makes a particularly heart wrenching plea into empty space, curiosity gets the better of him, and he says: “I apologise for my stupid questions, but surely you know there is never a woman sitting in that last stool, man. Why do you persist in talking to empty space?”
The mathematician replies: “Well, according to quantum physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear there.”
The owner raises his eyebrows. “Really? Interesting. But couldn’t you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you could buy her a cone? You never know, she might say yes.”
The mathematician laughs. “Yeah, right. How likely is that to happen?”
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