The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him.
But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he didn’t want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing.
Finally when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.
“No,” the inmate said. “Just get it over with.”
“Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?” said the guard.
The inmate thought. “Actually,” he said. “Music is my life. One thing I would really like, is to sing my favourite song, the whole thing, with no interruptions.”
The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.
So the inmate started: “One billion bottles of beer on the wall…”
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. “In English,” he said. “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”
Then a voice from the back of the room piped up: “Yeah, right.”
It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him.
When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said: “It’s all right honey, I’ve had a course in first aid.”
The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man’s pulse and prepared to administer CPR. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said: “When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m already here.”
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