A butcher is in his shop busily serving customers when all of a sudden he notices a dog. He shoos him away, but later he notices the dog is back again.
So he goes over to the dog and notices he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note and it reads: “I need 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please. The dog has money in his mouth as well.” The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, he finds the money for the order there. So he takes the money, and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog’s mouth
The butcher is very impressed, and since it’s close to closing time, he decides to shut up shop and follow the dog.
So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when he comes to an intersection. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button for the walk signal. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.
The dog then comes to a bus stop and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times and then sits on one of the seats provided. Along comes a bus. The dog walks around the front, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes, again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it’s the right bus and climbs on.
The butcher, now open-mouthed in shock, follows him onto the bus.
The bus travels through the town and out into the suburbs, the dog looking at the scenery. Eventually he gets up, and moves to the front of the bus. He stands on two back paws and pushes the button to stop the bus. Then he gets off, his groceries still in his mouth.
Well, dog and butcher are walking along the road, and then the dog turns into a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself against the door. He goes back down the path, runs up to the door and throws himself against it again.
There’s no answer at the house, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to an open window, barks several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.
The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, yelling at him and swearing at him.
The butcher runs up and stops the guy. “What in the world are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for heavens sake!”
To which the guy responds: “Clever?! This is the second time this week that he’s forgotten his key.”
One night, a man on his way home happened upon a drunk down on his hands and knees searching for something under a street light. The man asked the drunk what he was looking for so diligently and the drunk said he had tripped and his Rolex wrist watch had broken loose from his wrist.
The man, being a kind-hearted soul, got down on his hands and knees and began assisting the drunk looking for his watch. After about ten minutes without any success, the man asked the drunk exactly where he tripped.
“About a half a block up the street,” the drunk said.
“Why, pray tell,” the man asked the drunk, “Are you looking for your watch here if you lost it a half a block up the street?”
The drunk replied: “The light is a lot better here.”
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