Daily Joke: A lawyer went hunting near a farm

A big city lawyer went duck hunting. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded: “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”

The old farmer replied: “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”

The indignant lawyer said: “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the country and if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”

The old farmer smiled and said: “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes here. We settle small disagreements like this with the ‘Three Kick Rule.'”

The lawyer asked: “What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?”

The farmer replied: “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees!

His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth.

The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said: “Okay, you old fart. Now it’s my turn.”

The old farmer smiled and said: “Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.”

Daily Joke: A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot.

A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot.

The genius says: “Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don’t know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can’t answer yours I will give you $5,000.”

The idiot says: “Okay.”

The genius then asks: “How many continents are there in the world?” The idiot doesn’t know and hands over the $5.

The idiot says: “Now me ask … what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?”

The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5,000.

The genius says: “Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?”

The idiot hands over $5.

Daily Joke: A boss called an employee’s home

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in. Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialled the employee’s home phone number and was greeted by a child who whispered: “Hello.”

“Is your daddy home?” he asked.

“Yes,” whispered the small voice.

“May I talk with him?”

The child whispered: “No.”

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked: “Is your mum there?”

“Yes.”

“May I talk with her?”

Again the small voice whispered: “No.”

Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked: “Is anyone else there?”

“Yes,” whispered the child. “A policeman.”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked: “May I speak with the policeman?”

“No, he’s busy,” whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?”

“Talking to mummy and daddy and the fireman,” came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked: “What is that noise?”

“A helicopter,” answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered: “The search team just landed a helicopter.”

Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked: “What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: “Me!”

Need another laugh? Have a look at some of our other great jokes here.