A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a long, hard look at herself.
“You know,” she says. “I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my butt is hanging out a mile. I’ve got fat legs and my arms are all flabby”.
She turns to her husband and says: “Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself”.
He thinks about it for a bit and then says: “Well … there’s nothing wrong with your eyesight”.
Three ladies were discussing the downsides of getting older. One said: “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.”
The second lady chimed in with: “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.”
The third one responded: “Well, ladies, I’m glad I don’t have that problem. Knock on wood,” as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said: “That must be the door, I’ll get it!”
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy: “Son, how old are you?”
“Eight,” the boy replied.
The man continued: “Do you know what these are used for?”
The boy replied: “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do either one.”