Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself: “I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red and once again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was wrong. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said: “Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!”
Mildred turned to her and said: “Oh, am I driving?”
One night, a man on his way home happened upon a drunk, down on his hands and knees searching for something under a street light. The man asked the drunk what he was looking for so diligently and the drunk said he had tripped and his Rolex wrist watch had broken loose from his wrist.
The man, being a kindhearted soul, got down on his hands and knees and began assisting the drunk looking for his watch. After about ten minutes without any success, the man asked the drunk exactly where he tripped.
“About a half a block up the street,” the drunk said.
“Why are you looking for your watch here if you lost it a half a block up the street?” the man asked.
The drunk replied: “The light is a lot better here.”
A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says: “I’m a walking economy.”
His friend replies: “How’s that?”
“It’s like this; my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression.”