A man has been lost and walking in the desert for about two weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep.
The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary: “Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?”
The missionary says: “Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say ‘Thank God’ to make it go and ‘Amen’ to make it stop.”
Not paying much attention, the man answers: “Sure, ok.”
So he gets on the horse and says: “Thank God,” and the horse starts walking. Then he says: “Thank God, thank God,” and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says: “Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God,” and the horse just takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he’s doing everything he can to make the horse stop.
“Whoa, stop, hold on!”
Finally he remembers: “Amen!”
The horse stops four centimetres from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the saddle and says: “Thank God.”
A young man visiting a ranch wanted to be ‘macho’, so he went out walking with one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: “Say, look at that big bunch of cows.”
The hired hand replied: “Not ‘bunch,’ but ‘herd.'”
“Herd of cows.”
“Sure, I’ve heard of cows. There’s a big bunch of ’em right over there.”
The three wise men are out for a stroll when they come across a stable. The three of them decide to duck inside.
On the way in, one of the wise men hits his head on the low entranceway.
“Jesus Christ!” he says.
Joseph says: “Quick, Mary, write that down! It’s a hell of a lot better than Clyde!”