A financial advisor went out on his own. He was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon he realised he needed an in-house counsel, so he began interviewing young lawyers.
“As I’m sure you can understand,” he started off with one of the first applicants. “In a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question. Mr Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?”
“Honest?” replied the job prospect. “Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I’m so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.”
“Impressive. And what sort of case was that?”
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted: “He sued me for the money.”
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting on her own. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively: “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for awhile?”
She responds by yelling at the top of her lungs: “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologises. She smiles at him and says: “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”
To which he responds at the top of his lungs: “What do you mean $200?”
A man was walking down a street in Canberra. Suddenly, a man walking behind him pulled out a gun and said: “Gimme all your money, now!”
The victim said: “You can’t do this to me! I’m a politician!”
The robber thought for a moment, then said: “In that case, gimme all of MY money!”