An overweight businessman decided it was time to shed some excess kilos. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favourite bakery.
One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic muffin. The office all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic.
“This is a very special muffin,” he explained. “I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, `Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious muffins, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery’.
“And sure enough,” he continued. “The eighth time around the block, there it was!”
A man was notorious for waiting until the needle was on empty before filling his petrol tank. Finally his car died on him, and he had to push it to the nearest fuel station.
After he finished pumping petrol, the attendant asked if he had learned anything.
“Yeah,” the man muttered. “I learned I have a 45 litre tank.”
A woman is walking down the road when a voice shouts out: “Don’t take a step further.”
She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall, landing on the place where she would have otherwise been. She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again. “Don’t take a step further.” She stops and a car skids past.
Then suddenly she hears the voice saying: “I am your guardian angel, and I will warn you before something bad happens to you. Now do you have any questions to ask me?”
“Yes!” shouts the woman. “Just where were you on my wedding day!”