‘Intrusive’ grandparents: New mum slams her ‘overstepping’ parents and in-laws

The mum said her parents and in-laws have over-stepped the boundaries. Source: Getty

There is always of a lot of excitement when a new baby is welcomed into the family with grandparents wanting to do as much as they can to support their children with the little bub.

But it’s a fine line to tread between helpful and intrusive with one concerned mum claiming her own parents and in-laws are making things quite difficult for her and her husband as they try to raise their child how they wish.

Taking to online forum Gransnet the mother said she and her husband have been forced to distance themselves from both sets of parents as they had begun to judge their parenting style.

“Things have fallen apart with both my parents and my in-laws since my DH [dear husband] and I had a baby two years ago,” the mother explained.

“Gone were the fun, carefree and supportive parents we knew and had peer relationships with. They were replaced by people who were intrusive, condescending and judgemental regarding every thing we did or decided with our child.”

The heartbroken mother said both sets of parents took great offence to the way she and her husband parented. She claimed they wanted things done their own way and were far too controlling.

“They overstepped into our parenting roles,” the mum continued. “It’s really sad. But being on good terms with them means sitting back and letting them insult us, take our daughter away from us and horn in on our family moments.

“So we’ve taken a big step back from them. And I’m sad to say I’m so relieved. I haven’t felt this relaxed and content since before I told them I was pregnant.”

Read more: Frustration as grandparents ‘emotionally manipulate’ family to visit them

It is an issue that unfortunately plagues many families in some way or another. While there’s no doubt many grandparents are loving and supportive and only air their opinions when asked, others can become quite pushy. This begs the question, how much should parents be involved and do they have the right to step in and take charge?

Late last year another woman revealed her frustration, but this time with her grandparents. The woman claimed she had been pressured into travelling to see her grandparents, who had recently moved to the other side of the country.

Writing to the Denver Post’s ‘Ask Amy’ advice column in the United States, the woman said that her grandparents wanted to retire in a nicer town far away, but had been pressuring their granddaughter, her husband and other family members to visit ever since.

When she spoke to them on the phone, she said that her grandparents were quick to point out that other relatives had visited, even suggesting that she doesn’t really love them because she hadn’t yet. It wasn’t the case, with the woman pointing out that time and money were the biggest factors stopping her from visiting.

“While visiting them used to be a drive up the street, it would now require plane tickets, time off work, gas money to get to an airport and hiring someone to care for our dog while we’re away,” she explained.

Amy suggested the woman take a solo trip to visit her grandmother and that if she couldn’t, it’s simply nonnegotiable. She claimed it wasn’t fair for her grandparents to “emotionally manipulate” her into visiting.

What advice would you give the mother who believes her parents are too “intrusive”? Do you think the new parents are in the right?

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