One day, two guys were driving to their local grocery store to get some food. On the way to the store they ran into an intersection with a stoplight. The light turned red.
The man driving went right through the red light. The passenger looked at the driver and screamed: “What the heck are you doing? You’re going to get us killed!”
Then the driver responded: “Don’t worry, my mother always drives like this”.
So later on, the two guys came to another stoplight and that too was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said: “I thought I told you, you’re gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!”
The driver looked at the passenger and responded: “I get it! But like I told already, you my mother drives like this all the time!”
Again, the two guys ran into another light. This time in was green. The driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car completely. “What the hell are you doing?” The passenger screamed. “This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?”
The driver replied: “That’s my mum’s car coming over there!”
A young couple moved into a new neighbourhood. The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbour hanging the wash outside.
“That laundry is not very clean,” she said. “She doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.” Her husband looked on, but remained silent.
Every time her neighbour would hang her laundry to dry, the young woman would make the same comments. About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: “Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?”
The husband said: “I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows”.
A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine then tossed the remainder into the bartender’s face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began to weep.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this.”
Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he suggested that the man see an analyst about his problem.
“I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst,” the bartender said. “My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he’s as good as they get.”
Six months later, the man was back.
“Did you do what I suggested?” the bartender asked, serving a glass of white wine.
“I certainly did,” the man said. “I’ve been seeing the psychoanalyst twice a week.” He took a sip of the wine, then he threw the remainder into the bartender’s face.
The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. “The doctor doesn’t seem to be doing you any good,” he sputtered.
“On the contrary,” the man claimed. “He’s done me world of good.”
“But you threw the wine in my face again!” the bartender exclaimed.
“Yes,” the man replied. “But it doesn’t embarrass me anymore.”
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