After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. The first man to arrive was a stranger.
“You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board,” said the minister.
“I know,” said the man. “If there is anyone here more bored than I am, I’d like to meet him.”
John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his brake light was burned out. John said: “I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realise it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.”
Just then Jessica said: “I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed.”
So the officer asked for John’s licence and after looking at it said: “Sir your licence has expired.”
And again John apologised and mentioned that he didn’t realise that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.
Jessica said: “I told you a week ago that the government sent you a letter telling you that your licence had expired.”
Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice: “Jessica, shut your mouth!”
The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked: “Does your husband always talk to you like that?”
Jessica replied: “Only when he’s drunk.”
Five-year-old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said: “I’ve lost my dad!”
The policeman said: “What’s he like?”
Little Johnny replied: “Beer and women!”