Three men die and go to heaven. St Peter tells them: “God has put the Kingdom of Heaven several hundred miles from the Pearly Gates and will grant those who are admitted a vehicle to travel the distance, but the quality of your vehicle is based upon how faithful you were to your spouse.”
Knowing they can’t argue, the men begin confessing their infidelities. One man admits: “I admit I screwed around behind my wife’s back, but I broke it off with the girl before my wife found out.”
“Very well,” St Peter responds and gives him a standard bicycle. The guy shrugs and feels a little better after confessing.
The second man says: “There was one time, but it was technically before we were married! I was drunk and I didn’t know what I was doing but I’ve never been unfaithful after that!” With a heavy sigh St Peter grants the second man a car, but in terrible condition.
The third man says proudly: “I’ve never been unfaithful. Never.” The other two stare at the third in disbelief.
“No, he’s right,” St Peter confirms. “He’s been faithful the whole time. In fact he lost his virginity to his wife.” The other two men gape in jealous amazement as the third man is granted a brand new sports car.
The third man obviously can make it down the long, glittering highway towards heaven faster than the other two. However, the first man on the bicycle finds the third man pulled over not too far down the road. Perplexed, he rides to the sports car and finds the man sobbing into his steering wheel.
“What’s wrong, is this Italian muscle too much for you?” he gloats.
“No,” the third man tries to gain composure. “It’s not that. The car is beautiful!”
“Then what’s your problem?”
“I just passed my wife and she was on roller skates.”