Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father’s annoyance.
“Teddy,” he called. “How many more times do I have I to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilised human being.”
There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.
“That’s better,” his father said. “Now in future will you always come down stairs like that.”
“Suits me,” Teddy said. “I slid down the railing.”
One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said: “You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you’d like to talk about or ask me?”
“Well,” he said. “I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.”
“That’s a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?”
“Yeah, and they’re in favour 15 to two,” the man said.
A man and a woman had a car accident, both of their cars were completely demolished but somehow they both managed to escaped unharmed.
“Thank goodness we’re alright!” the woman said. “You know, I think this is a sign from the universe that we should just be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other.”
The man agreed, relieved to be unharmed. “And here’s another miracle!” the woman said, pointing to a bottle of scotch on the ground. “This bottle was in my back seat and it didn’t break. That must be a sign we should toast to our good fortune.”
The man nodded in agreement and took a few swigs from the offered bottle. As he handed it back to the woman though, she put the cap back on and passed it back to the man.
“Aren’t you having any?” he asked.
“No,” she said. “I think I’ll just wait for the police.”