A man and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television.
The husband sighs and complains: “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!”
“Good,” his wife replies. “Now you know how I always feel.”
A man was standing very uncomfortably in the corner of the local pharmacy. After noticing him, another customer went to the pharmacist and asked what was wrong with the man.
“He came in this morning,” The pharmacist responded. “He was looking for something for his cough but I couldn’t find the cough medicine. So I gave him a whole bottle of laxatives.
The customer looked confused, “What do you mean? Laxatives won’t work for that?”
“Oh yeah? Look at him, he’s too afraid to cough!”
A thirsty man walks into a bar and orders a beer. Suddenly he hears someone say: “Hey! Nice tie!”
The man looks around to see who complimented him, but he couldn’t see anyone.
“Hey! Nice shirt!” Again, the man looks around but still can’t see anyone.
“Hey! Nice suit!” The man then calls the bartender over to ask if it was him giving the compliments.
“It’s not me,” the bartender says. “It’s the complimentary peanuts.”