A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged down in the dirt. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said: “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today.”
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer: “When do you have time to plough your land? At night?”
“No,” the young farmer replied seriously. “Night is when I put the water in the hole.”
At the pre-natal class for couples who’d already had at least one child the instructor raised the question of how to break the news to an older child.
“Some parents tell the older child, ‘We love you so much that we decided to bring another child into our family.’ But think about that for a second…
“Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, ‘Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife’?”
One of the women spoke up right away: “Does she cook?”
A woman was watching her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.
Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this movement, she commented: “I don’t think that is going to help.”
“Sure it will,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”