Sometimes the best jokes are the simple ones — quick setups, unexpected twists and punchlines you never see coming. Nun jokes have been around for generations and remain a favourite because they mix innocence with just enough cheekiness to catch you off guard. Here are three classic nun jokes that have been making people laugh for years.
Number 1: A cop pulls over a car full of nuns. The cop says, “Sister, the speed limit on this highway is 55 mph. Why are you going so slow?”
Sister replies, “I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55.”
The cop says, “Sister, that’s the name of the highway, not the speed limit.”
“Silly me,” the embarrassed nun says. “Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be more careful.”
But then the cop glances in the back seat where the other nuns are quaking with fear. He asks, “Excuse me, Sister, what’s wrong with your friends?”
Sister says, “Oh, we just got off Highway 101.”
Number 2: A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring, and he replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”
She answers: “My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that: number one, you have to be single, and number two, you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I am single and I’m Catholic too!”
“OK,” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”
He does, and the nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a sex worker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child,” says the nun, “why are you crying?”
“Forgive me, sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”
The nun says, “That’s OK, my name is Kevin and I’m on my way to a Halloween party.”
Number 3: A nun goes to the priest and says “father, there’s a hole in the roof of your church.”
“Thank you for telling me,” he replies “but you’ve been here for years, it’s our church.”
The next day the nun goes to the priest and says “father, there’s a broken window in your – I mean, our, church.” He thanks her again and calls for a repairman.
The following day the priest is preparing for a visit from the local bishop. As he is weeding the gardens, he cuts his hand. Calling the nun over he says “there’s a bottle of rubbing alcohol in my quarters somewhere, could you fetch it for me?” The nun nods and goes looking for it.
It is as the priest is greeting the bishop that she returns from the church and loudly announces “father, don’t worry about the weed, the alcohol was under our bed!”
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