These baby jokes are cute, clever and completely harmless – we think

Babies bring joy, sleepless nights and, as it turns out, some surprisingly good punchlines. These five jokes cover everything from military strategy to wet nappies, a very patient father with a tin of strained peas, and a nurse with diplomatic skills that would impress the United Nations. The last one about the stork is either genius or terrible – possibly both. Either way, they are completely safe to read aloud at the next family gathering, although we make no promises about the reaction you will get.

What do you call a group of baby soldiers? An infantry.

The first-time dad was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food all over the baby.

His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband, who is just staring off into space and says, “What in the world are you doing?”

He replied, “I’m just waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another.”

How did the baby tell her mum she had a wet diaper? She sent her a pee-mail.

The nurse told the parents of a newborn, “You have a cute baby.”
The smiling husband said, “I bet you say that to all the new parents.” “No,” she replied. “Just to those whose babies really are good-looking.” The husband asked, “So, what do you say to the others?” The nurse replied, “The baby looks just like you.”

Tell me, does the stork deliver babies with their diapers on? No, they’re stork naked!