Wise sayings from seniors

Having a sense of humor keeps me afloat during these challenging times. Sometimes, it’s hard to laugh, but finding humor in the aging process makes it easier.

So, let’s begin:

A Mediterranean diet is necessary for staying healthy, but not all of us can afford to travel there.

I wish I had a party line. I’ve been pretty lonely lately.

Don’t bite off more than you can chew unless you wear dentures.

Everyone deserves a good hearing. That’s why I like subtitles.

At least snoring lets you know that he’s still alive.

My wife told me to take out the trash. So I stuffed her in a bag and headed to the garage.

Onions are the best way to stay healthy… I think you know why.

My Social Security is quickly becoming social insecurity.

Some of my in-laws drive me crazy. I wish they would disappear become out-laws.

There will never be anybody good enough for my son.

I need to take an anxiety pill to understand this prescription drug plan.

Will having cataract surgery give me insight?

It’s not a cane; it’s a walking stick.

How do you balance an appetizer and a glass of wine at a buffet?

My lazy, annoying children never visit me at the rest home. I wonder why?

I’m not overly critical, but here’s what I really think.

Why is the music either too loud or too hard to hear?

I wish I had subtitles when people speak to me.

The other day, somebody told me I was incontinent. I told them that I still lived in the United States.

Last week, somebody asked me if I wore adult diapers. I told them that “it depends.”

I don’t drink anymore. I dribble.

My doctor told me to eat more eggs. I told him that was “eggceptional” advice.

My doctor suggested that I puree my food. Boy, he’s a smooth operator.

My kids don’t think I should drive anymore. Is it legal to hitchhike?

No wonder my joints hurt. I smoked too many Doobies when I was young.

I’ll bet Jane Fonda has arthritis now.

I’m not leaving any money for my children. I’m broke.

I tried my grandchild’s slip-and-slide the other day. That was a mistake.

Gee, that pogo stick looks so easy.

My iPhone is so confusing. Sometimes, I wish I had two tin cans and a string.

A smile is cheaper than a facelift.

I’m afraid to wear bifocals because some might think I go both ways.

What does an upside-down pineapple mean at The Villages?

Hair today, gone tomorrow… That’s a sign I saw at the barbershop.

I want to put on eyeliner, but it’s hard to do when I wear glasses.

Sometimes, I lose my sense of direction when I do a crossword puzzle.

Does anyone really know how to operate an electric car?

I tried dialing 911 the other day, but I have dyslexia and ended up calling my son.

I’ve noticed that my mouthguard prevents snoring.

If I wear progressives, my conservative friends will disown me.

Why do they call them crowns? They should be called cavities because you go into the hole when you pay for them.

Why are the essential things we need as seniors not covered by insurance?

Remember the good old days when people had pensions?

I’ve heard that Elon Musk smells funny. Must be his funky cologne.

I wish “trump” only applied to playing bridge.

Sure, I use profanity. Most four-letter words are easy to pronounce.

I’ve fallen in love with my personal robot. Is that grounds for divorce?