The chores I continue to flub

Okay, I am almost 70 and attempting to do the laundry again.

Reluctantly, my partner has allowed me to venture into the realm of keeping our clothes clean. I am frightened to death. She’s very particular about certain things because since she retired, so she has taken on most of the domestic chores. 

This includes the laundry. I feel like my dad has permitted me to take the car out because she knows that I will probably screw something up if I try to take this task on by myself.

First of all, our washing machine and dryer are about twelve feet deep. Even with my long arms and legs, I can barely reach the bottom of the washing machine to transfer the clothes to the dryer. I don’t know how she does it by herself because she is quite a bit shorter than I am. Maybe she secretly uses that grabber that we have stashed in the corner of the laundry room.

I often try to ask her if she would like me to help, but she rarely concedes. Now and then when she is outside, I will put the laundry into the dryer and push the button. Thankfully it starts and the next thing I know, the clothes are on their way to dried happiness.

But there are certain rules that I must follow. Certain shirts that she has do not go in the dryer. They must be hung up on the rack above the laundry machines. Second of all, she doesn’t want her clothes washed in hot water anymore. I grew up thinking that hot water kills everything, but she assures me that cold water does fine, and besides the colours don’t run. Trying to remember these rules is tough because I usually have my brain wired to work on a poem, not master laundry chores.

In addition, she tells me that some things only need to be dried for a few minutes. Who can remember to do that? I have a hard time remembering why I walked into a certain room!

She had said she would like me to get more involved with cooking because she has done that for most of the 30 years we’ve been together. I have been in charge of the dishes, which is why my hands look like an old tree. 

I would like to venture into cooking more but she is very critical of that as well. When I am on my own, I will combine certain things in the refrigerator with remarkable success. I haven’t died from eating my creations, so that’s a good thing.

I will never attempt to go into the garage unless I am dumping the trash. There are too many things there that are a mystery to me, like things to clean the car, gardening tools, and other items related to chores I prefer to avoid. 

Anything that involves opening jars, cutting through those awful plastic medical bottles, or lifting anything is something that is also off the radar for me.

Shopping? I love to go to the market by myself because when she goes alone, she likes to peruse every aisle, and usually comes back with $500 worth of something. 

When I go in, I like to find what I need, get through the store, and leave. She will often find some obscure brand of olives, an extra crockpot that we already have, or some weird thing related to the garden. 

If we go together, I will often find her reading obscure labels on aisle 47 as I am headed for the check stand. But I let her shop because she really enjoys it. We will eventually use a second crockpot.

What am I good at? Hopefully making fun of the aging process and get others to laugh along with me.