New inventions for seniors

Many who are retired could use some extra money. Since eggs will soon be $15 a dozen and our Social Security checks might evaporate soon, some extra cash could come in handy.

How about becoming a senior influencer? Social media is clogged with many who receive free products to try in exchange for writing positive reviews about them.

Since I’m in my 70s, I think I qualify. Imagine giving my humble opinion about lots of products suitable to seniors.

Here are some promising products I would like to review.

What’s That Smell?

Can’t figure out what that funky smell is in your house? Press the button on the can, and it immediately identifies where the odor is coming from. Perhaps it’s your trashcan? Or the pet bed? Or God forbid, something more unsavory.

Pick-Me-Upper

This handy robotic device detects when you’ve fallen on the floor and can’t get up. Just press that help button you’re wearing around your neck, and the machine comes and lowers itself to the ground, so you can easily stand. Those 911 guys are cute, but so expensive.

Adjust-O-Lens

Does your vision change throughout the day? Put on these glasses, push the lever, and everything becomes focused. No need for progressives, bifocals or multiple pairs of glasses anymore. Finally, you can easily read those medicine bottles once again.

Sheet Changer

Who invented contour sheets? They are a pain in the shoulder for anybody over 50. Sheet changers are God’s way of making the bed tolerable again. The machine’s large lever lifts the corner of that heavy mattress so you can easily make the bed. It even works on pillowcases.

Bathtub Seat-O-Rama

I haven’t taken a bath in years. But this device could change that. Just place this waterproof stool inside the bathtub, sit down, swing your legs inside the tub and press the button. Voila! From there, it lowers you into the bathtub. When you’re finished, press the button and it elevates easily to help you get out. No need to spend $20,000 on a walk-in tub.

Trash-Taker-Outer

This robotic device is perfect for those late morning risers. Just slide it under your trashcan and press the “curb” button. Your handy dandy robot takes the trash to the curb and returns to take out your recyclables. No more worrying whether your neighbor sees you in your pajamas anymore.

Footsie Robotic Pedicure

If going to the salon is too expensive, buy this pedicure machine. Step into this device, close the lid, and your feet look brand new two hours later. This machine shaves your calluses, corns, and even. cuts your toenails. Our premium model can rectify your bunions and hammer toes. While waiting for your pedicure to finish, read War and Peace again, check out what your neighbors are doing on Facebook, or stare out the window and relive your high school days.

Top Shelf Reacher

Sure, you’re getting shorter just like everyone else and that top shelf is beyond your capabilities. Need to grab that can of tomato soup? Use the magnetic mechanical reacher, and it’s quickly within your grasp. Hopefully the soup hasn’t expired.

Pajamas-To-Trousers

Are you tired of changing your clothes to go out in public? Buy these reversible pajamas that are so functional. They’re PJs on one side, and comfortable khakis on the other. There is no need to put on freshly ironed pants when you can easily turn your pajamas inside out, and go shopping at Walmart.

Bad Driver Helper

Are you tired of having your significant other telling you how to drive? Attach this small device to your dashboard and a gentle voice tells you that you’re going too slow on the freeway, you’ve missed another optimum parking space, or you need to check your rearview mirror more than once an hour. Why put up with a backseat driver when you have a patient therapist in the car, politely giving you instructions.

Say What?

Can’t read the subtitles? Can’t hear the dialogue? Attached this device to your remote control and your problem is solved. Insert the headphone jack into your remote, and you will instantly know what’s going on in that Turner Classic Movie. Invite your friends over and then they will want to order one as well. Maybe you can even earn a commission from the manufacturer if you host a Say What party.

Yes Dear

Are you tired of agreeing with your spouse about everything? You can spare your vocal cords by having this small device attached to your wrist. When your partner wants to win an argument, simply press the “Yes Dear” button and a pleasant calming voice will answer appropriately to diffuse the situation. After all, you must save your vocal cords for yelling at the customer service representative who can’t get you a doctor’s appointment for five months.

Super Poly Gripper

Do you miss biting into apples or chewing on candy? Welcome to Super Poly Gripper. Simply squeeze a bit behind your dentures and chomp away. Just ignore that nasty taste. It’s a small price to pay for being able to eat an apple again.

Wet Detector

Does sneezing or laughing make you nervous? This sensitive panty liner detects the slightest moisture. What’s more, it’s connected to your Apple watch so that you know it’s time to make a real change. No need to worry about bladder problems anymore. Laugh and cough away with confidence. With Wet Detector, there won’t be any more spills and chills.

Forget-Me- Not

These cute indoor plants serve beautiful as post-It notes. Place one near your keys so you know where to put them when you come into the house. How about one in your office reminding you where your glasses are? If this flower doesn’t help you remember, at least it looks and smells good. Plus, it only needs watering weekly, assuming you remember to do so.

What devices would you like to have to make your life easier?