Two jokes that prove older Australians are sharper than you think

Wisdom doesn’t fade with age – it sharpens. These two light-hearted jokes are a reminder that life experience brings perspective, confidence, and a quiet kind of cleverness. A smile, a chuckle, and a gentle lesson all rolled into one.

An elderly man in Perth calls his son in Sydney and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough.” “Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Brisbane and tell her,” and he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, “Like hell they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this.” She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, “You are NOT getting divorced! Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “They’re coming for the holidays and paying their own airfares.”

Isaac, through hard work, became wealthy. As he lay dying, he talked to his daughter, Sophie. “Sophie … here are my last wishes.” “Whatever you want, I’ll do.”“First, the business I leave to Marty, my eldest.” “Marty!” Sophie protested. “Marty’s always with the girls. Better to leave it to Jeffrey.”  “OK, Jeffrey,” he sighed. “Now, the bonds I leave to Thelma.” “Better me,” argued Sophie. “In two days, she’ll spend at Bloomingdale’s.” “Alright. The summer house I leave to our Ava.”“She’s not spoiled enough? Leave it to Marty.” Finally, summoning his last ounce of strength, Isaac sighed, “Sophie … who’s dying here – me or you?”