Three dog jokes so good they deserve a treat — and a biscuit for whoever tells them
There are dog people, and there are people who have not yet met the right dog. Either way, we are confident these three jokes will work on you. From a very relaxed guard dog in a country store to a golden retriever with surprisingly strong views on baseball legend Babe Ruth, these are the kind of jokes that make you groan, grin and immediately want to tell someone else. The last one, involving a dog at the cinema and a book he apparently had strong opinions about, is perhaps the finest argument yet that dogs are, in many ways, better than us. Read on — and do try not to disturb the guard dog.
A man enters a little country store and sees a sign reading, “Danger! Beware of the dog!” He then sees an old hound dog lying asleep on… “Yes,” the shopkeeper replies, “before I posted that sign, everyone kept tripping over him!”
This guy walks into a pub with his golden retriever. ”Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?”
”Dogs can’t talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I’ll give you a drink. If not, I get to kick your ass.”
”Okay,” says the guy. He turns to his dog. ”Okay fella. Tell me – what is on top of a house?” ”Roof!” The man turns and smiles at the bartender.
”THAT ain’t talking! Any dog can bark!”
”Okay boy. Tell me – how does sandpaper feel?” ”Ruff!” ”What the hell you tryin’ to pull mister?”
”Okay, okay,” says the man. “One more question please. Okay buddy, tell me – who is the greatest baseball player who ever lived?” “Ruth.”
The bartender beats the hell out of the guy and throws onto the sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The dog stands up and looks at the guy. “Geez. Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?”
A dog is sitting in a cinema with its owner. The dog stares at the screen intently, growls whenever the villain appears, and wags its tail whenever the hero comes on. An old lady has been watching the dog’s behaviour. She turns to its owner and says, “That’s extraordinary behaviour for a dog.” “You’re right,” the owner says. “It is surprising — he hated the book!”
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