Sex After 60: The questions we’re all asking (and pretending we’re not)

Bess Strachan is Starts at 60’s Sex & Relationship Expert. You can email Bess at [email protected]

Let’s clear something up straight away. Turning 60 does not come with a formal notice announcing the end of your sex life. There is no siren, no memo, no quiet tap on the shoulder from the universe saying, “That’s it, love. Pack it up.”

And yet, plenty of people behave as if there is.

The truth – whispered at dinner parties, confessed over wine, Googled furiously at 2am – is that many older Australians are still having sex, still wanting sex, or at the very least still thinking about it. What changes isn’t desire so much as the landscape around it: bodies that behave differently, hormones that go rogue, confidence that sometimes wobbles, and a lifetime of emotional history that turns intimacy into something more layered than it once was.

Which brings us to the questions people ask most often after 60 – usually quietly.

Is it normal to still want sex after 60?

Not only is it normal, it’s common.

Despite decades of cultural messaging that treats older people as either invisible or asexual, research consistently shows that intimacy remains important well into later life. Many people say they enjoy sex more as they age – less rushed, less performative and far more connected.

What changes is not whether you should be having sex, but how often, how it looks, and what you want from it.

And the answer to the question “How much sex is normal?” is delightfully simple: as much or as little as suits you and your partner. There is no quota. No benchmark. No gold star for frequency.

Pressure is the enemy of desire at any age, but particularly later in life.

What about menopause and erectile dysfunction – do they end everything?

They don’t end things, but they do force a rethink.

For women, menopause can bring vaginal dryness, discomfort and a drop in libido that feels confronting and unfair. The good news is there are far more options now than there were even a decade ago. Local oestrogen treatments, hormone therapy (where appropriate), moisturisers and lubricants have helped many women feel comfortable again – and comfort matters far more than people admit.

For men, erectile dysfunction becomes more common with age, and yes, medications like Viagra and Cialis are widely used. But they’re not the whole story, and they’re not for everyone. Medical support helps, but so does letting go of the idea that intimacy must always follow the same script it did at 30.

Which leads to the quiet truth many couples discover later in life.

Does sex have to mean penetration?

Short answer: absolutely not.

Longer answer: for many people over 60, the most satisfying intimacy has very little to do with penetration at all. Touching, kissing, holding, laughing, exploring, taking time – these things often matter more than mechanics.

There’s also far more openness now around sex toys, solo pleasure and mutual exploration, whether partnered or single. Sexuality doesn’t expire just because circumstances change. It adapts.

And sometimes, intimacy is about closeness rather than climax – something younger versions of ourselves rarely appreciated.

What if one of us wants sex and the other doesn’t?

This is where things get tender.

Desire mismatch is common at every age, but it can feel more loaded later in life, when people worry that time is running out or that something is “wrong”. Often, it isn’t about attraction at all. It can be about health, fatigue, fear of pain, body image or unresolved emotional distance.

The worst approach is silence.

The best approach is curiosity – not blame.

Raising the topic gently, perhaps by referencing something you’ve read or seen, opens the door without accusation. And if the conversation keeps stalling, this is where counsellors and sex therapists can be invaluable. Not because something is broken, but because sometimes we all need help learning a new language for a new stage of life.

What if I’m single?

Being single after 60 doesn’t mean stepping away from sexuality altogether – though it also doesn’t require participating in it.

Some people rediscover themselves through masturbation and solo pleasure. Others explore dating with clearer boundaries and fewer illusions than they had decades earlier. And some decide intimacy looks like companionship, affection and emotional closeness rather than sex at all.

All of these choices are valid.

Sexual wellbeing is about agency – choosing what feels right for you now, not what once did, or what you think should.

So what’s the real truth about sex after 60?

It’s not about recreating youth.

It’s about rewriting the rules.

Later-life intimacy is often less about performance and more about presence. Less about urgency and more about trust. Less about bodies behaving perfectly and more about bodies being accepted.

For many people, that makes it richer, not poorer.

And if there’s one thing worth remembering, it’s this: desire doesn’t disappear because you age – it disappears when you stop giving yourself permission to feel it.