Loch Ness Monster jokes that prove Nessie has a wicked sense of humour

There’s something timeless about a good old-fashioned monster story – especially when it comes with a punchline. The legend of Loch Ness Monster has fascinated travellers, sceptics and believers for generations, but it seems Nessie isn’t just mysterious … she’s also unintentionally hilarious.

From whisky-fuelled sightings to divine interventions gone wrong, these three jokes give the famous Scottish creature a light-hearted twist.

Number 1: A tourist comes to the Loch Ness lake hoping to see the famous monster, he looks around and spots a local. Excuse me, sir, – he asks. – If I may ask, when does the monster usually appear? Usually after the sixth whisky, sir.

Number 2: An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. It then opened its mouth waiting below to swallow them both.

As the man sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast, he cried out, “Oh, God! Help me!”

Suddenly, the scene froze in place and as the atheist hung in mid-air a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, “I thought you didn’t believe in Me!”

“God, come on, give me a break!” the man pleaded, “Just seconds ago I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness monster either!”

“Well,” said God, “now that you are a believer, you must understand that I won’t work miracles to snatch you from certain death in the jaws of the monster, but I can change hearts. What would you have me do?”

The atheist thinks for a minute then says, “God, please have the Loch Ness Monster believe in You also.”

God replies, “So be it.”

The scene starts in motion again with the atheist falling towards the ravenous jaws of the monster. The Loch Ness Monster folds his claws together and says, “Lord, bless this food You have so graciously provided…”

Number 3: If I’m ever traveling near Loch Ness or Sasquatch’s lair, I will carry a camera to be safe. It is a documented fact that these dangerous monsters have never approached anyone who had a camera.