Warning: Inappropriate but funny jokes about the fairer sex

A small town prosecuting barrister called his first witness to the stand in a trial – an attractive middle-aged lady. He approached her and asked, “Ms. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “I do know you Mr. Leigh. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising big shot when you haven’t the brains to realise you will never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.” The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Williams, do you know the defence attorney?” She again replied, “Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Knowles since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him.” At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both barristers to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, “If either of you asks her if she knows me, you’ll be jailed for contempt!”

A minister had all of his remaining teeth pulled out. New dentures were being made. The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. On the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes. When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way: “The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my new dentures were hurting me a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife’s dentures… and I couldn’t shut up.”

There were two dumb blonds that was walking down the street and they find a mirror and one of them picks it up and looks in it and says that face looks familiar. then the other blond takes it from her and says duh its me.

A man meets a woman at a bar and asks her “Would you have sex with me for 10 million dollars?” Without skipping a beat she screams “Yes!” The man then asks “What about for $20?” She looks at him sideways and says “What do you think I am, a whore?” The man says “We’ve already established that you are, now we’re just negotiating.”