Two jokes that take their time getting there — and are completely worth the wait

Some jokes are over in a sentence. These two are not. They take their time, they build carefully and they earn their punchlines in a way that the one-liner never quite can. The moose one requires you to hold your nerve through the setup. The widow’s personal ad requires you to pay close attention to the criteria. Both deliver. Settle in.

1 Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, “Okay, let’s get out and get him.” After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, “The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?” The guy in the front says, “Well, I’m going to start nibbling grass, but you’d better brace yourself.”

2 A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: “Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person.” The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. “You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you?” the widow asked: “Just look at you – you have no legs!” The old gent smiled: “Therefore, I cannot run around on you!” “You don’t have any arms either!” she snorted. Again, the old man smiled: “Therefore, I can never beat you!” She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: “Are you still good in bed?” The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”