Tuesday Giggle: A “Bad Golfer,” a USB Bee, and the Ventriloquist’s Real Mistake

During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level He described a typical day this way: ‘Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees.’ Inspired by the story, the doctor said, ‘You must be one hell of an outdoors man!’ ‘NAH,’ he replied, ‘I’m just a shitty golfer.’

How are politicians like diapers? You have to change them both often, and for the same reason.

What do you call a bee that comes from America? A USB!

Q: What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A: A pineapple.

Every time i lose some weight i find it back again at the refrigerator.

A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, ‘I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way? What does the colour of a woman’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb. You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humour!’ The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, and the blonde interrupts yelling, ‘You stay out of this … I’m talking to that little guy on your lap.’