Three wedding jokes that prove the best man speech is the most dangerous part of the day

Whether you’re attending a celebration, helping plan one, or simply enjoying the fact that someone else’s children are the ones getting married, these three jokes are for you. The best man speech has long been one of the great institutions of the wedding day – a three-minute window in which a grown man attempts to be simultaneously funny, sentimental and not legally actionable. These jokes capture that spirit perfectly. One involves a mini-skirt. One involves a jail cell and a very unfortunate coincidence. And one involves the moment every groom has quietly dreaded from the moment he said yes. Read on – and do share with anyone who has a wedding on the calendar.

The Best Man speech: I’ve been informed that my speech should be like a mini-skirt. Short enough to keep it interesting but Long enough to cover the essentials.

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer.” the man began, “I can explain”.

“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back…” “But officer, I just wanted to say….”

“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”

Good afternoon, Ladies and Gentleman. We’ve now reached the point in the proceedings when we all get to see the groom shift uncomfortably in his seat and grip the tablecloth in nervous anticipation. That’s right. I’ve been asked to give him the drinks bill.