Six Tuesday jokes to get some giggles

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.  On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?” A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make $400 a week. Why?” The CEO said, “Wait right here.” He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.” Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?” From across the room a voice said, “Sure – he was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s and was just waiting to collect the money!”

A woman walks into her bathroom to see her husband sucking in his stomach. “You know that won’t help you lose weight,” she says. “I know that,” says the husband. “But it will help me see the numbers.”

Computer headbanger

My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.noziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

Up here for thinking

Waitress: How did you find your steak Sir? I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was.

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, “What’s up with the penguins in the back seat?” The man in the car says “I found them. I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven’t had a clue.” The clerk ponders a bit then says, “You should take them to the zoo.” “Hey, that’s a good idea,” says the man in the car and drives away. The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. “Hey, they’re still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo.” “Oh, I did,” says the driver, “And we had a great time! Today I am taking them to the beach.”

One Friday night, a 17-year-old boy went into a bar and sat down at a table in the corner of the pool room. When the waitress walked over to his table, the teenager said: “Gimme a beer.” The waitress eyed him for a moment and said: “Look, sonny. Do you want to get me in trouble?” The boy glanced back at her and replied: “Maybe later. Right now all I want is a beer.”