Monday Giggle: Three Weddings, a Mysteriously Improved Husband, and the Amish Boy’s Elevator

The best answer to the question asked in an interview, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” . . . “In the mirror as always . . .”

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.” The next-door neighbor protested, “Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.” The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants HIM back?”

Paddy was an inveterate drunkard. The priest met him one day, and gave him a strong lecture about drink. He said, “If you continue drinking as you do, you’ll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you’ll turn into a mouse.” This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and said to his wife, “Bridget….if you should notice me getting smaller and smaller, will ye kill that blasted cat?”

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially two shiny walls that could move apart, and back together again. The boy asked his father, “What is this father?” The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.” While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady, limping slightly, and with a cane, slowly walks up to the moving walls, and presses a button. The walls opened, and the lady walks between them, into a small room. The walls closed. The boy and his father watched as small circles of lights with numbers above the wall light up. They continued to watch the circles light up, in reverse direction now. The walls opened up again, and a beautiful young blonde stepped out … The father said to his son, “GO GET YOUR MOTHER!!!”

The Life Cycle of Software … Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and discovers 15 new bugs. See 3. See 4. See 5. See 6. See 7. See 8. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely pre-mature product announcement based on over-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released. Users find 137 new bugs. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires programmer to redo program from scratch. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. See step 2