Happy Mother’s Day: the jokes that prove mums have always been one step ahead of everyone else

She knew when you were lying. She knew where everything was. She turned the beaters off before letting you lick them – or maybe she didn’t, and that was the point. In honour of every mum who has seen it all, done it all and still somehow kept the family running, here are a few jokes to share with the special woman in your life today. Fair warning: she will have heard most of them already. She knows everything.

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband’s two. She reaches for a cricket bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, “Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?”

Good mums let you lick the beaters. Great mums turn them off first.

I asked my mum what I could get her for Mother’s Day. She said she’d really like a doctor for a son-in-law.

Why is a computer so smart? It listens to its motherboard.

A kid asks his dad, “What’s a man?” The dad says, “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.” The kid replies, “I hope one day I can be a man just like mum!”

Jumper: Something you wear when your mum gets cold.

Sunday school teacher: Tell me. Do you say prayers before eating? Kid: No, ma’am, I don’t have to. My mum’s a good cook.