Four jokes that prove men, marriage and childbirth should never mix

Sometimes the shortest jokes land the biggest laughs, especially when husbands, holidays and hospital delivery rooms are involved. From one very economical romantic gesture to a childbirth list that should come with a warning label, these classics might sound just a little too familiar.

Say it with flowers

A gentleman walked into a busy florist shop with a huge sign in the window that read: “Say It With Flowers.”

“Wrap up one rose for me,” he told the florist.

“Only one?” the florist asked.

“Just one,” the man replied. “I’m a man of few words.”

Typical male

A couple was telling a friend about their recent holiday.

“It sounds like you had a wonderful time in Texas,” the friend said. “But didn’t you say you were planning to visit Colorado?”

“Well,” the husband began awkwardly, “we changed our plans because, uh…”

“Oh, tell the truth, Fred!” his wife interrupted.

Fred fell silent.

She rolled her eyes and continued: “Fred simply will NOT ask for directions.”

Things NOT to say during childbirth

• “Gosh, you’re lucky. I wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth.”
• “Do you think the baby will arrive before Thursday night footy?”
• “The Glamour Shots photographer will be here in 15 minutes.”
• “If you think this hurts, you should hear about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball.”
• “The kids were on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?”
• “You don’t need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment.”
• “Stop swearing and just breathe.”

Morning tea

“I always take my wife her morning tea in my pyjamas,” a husband proudly declared.

“Is she grateful?”