Five jokes that prove the classics never get old

There’s something deeply satisfying about a joke that’s been around long enough to have earned its place. No shock value, no elaborate setup – just sharp timing, a good twist and the particular pleasure of a punchline you almost saw coming but didn’t quite. These five are exactly that kind of joke. Pour yourself a cup of something and enjoy.

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. “My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy. “Tommy,” replied the second. “My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?” asked Billy. Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer.” “Honest?” asked Billy. “No, just the regular kind”, replied Tommy.

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, “I am Napoleon!” Another patient asked, “How do you know?” The first inmate said, “Because God told me!” Just then, a voice from another room shouted, “I did NOT!”

Son: “Dad, did you go to Church when you were little?” Dad: “Yes son, every single Sunday.” Son: “I thought so. Bet it won’t do me any good either.”

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read, “Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide.” The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer’s sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read, “Now there are two!”