Few comedians have left a mark on British humour quite like John Cleese. Whether it’s the absurd brilliance of Monty Python, the chaotic charm of Fawlty Towers, or his perfectly timed one-liners, Cleese’s wit has entertained generations. His jokes blend sharp intelligence with glorious silliness – the kind of humour that still gets a laugh no matter how many times you’ve heard it.
We’ve gathered 15 of his funniest and most memorable jokes to celebrate the man who helped redefine comedy and continues to make audiences chuckle around the world.
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.
Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9 pm is the new midnight.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
I had my patience tested. I’m negative.
Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.
If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”
When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
I run like the winded.
I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.
When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”
When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
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