‘I hate big family events’: Gran considers moving away after painful divorce

Navigating a heartbreaking and difficult divorce – especially after a long marriage – is difficult for the whole family and can leave people in awkward positions as they try to ensure they remain close to both sides.

But now a grandmother has admitted she sometimes wants to move away from her home over fears that her divorce has left her adult children in difficult positions.

Taking to grandparenting forum Gransnet, the worried woman said her ex husband has now remarried and still lives in the same town as her and their adult children – meaning when there’s a big family event, they’re both immediately involved.

“My lovely daughter-in-law has had her second baby boy this morning… I am over the moon, but I feel soooooo bad for my son and daughter-in-law,” she admitted.

“I am divorced, my ex has remarried. We all live in the same town. I really feel sorry for my children… through no fault of their own, they have been put in such awkward positions because of our divorce. I hate these big family events.”

The gran said she’s worried her daughter-in-law will feel torn now over how to arrange each of their visits, and added: “At times like this, I wish I was living away from it all. On top of all this, my older son’s wife is not in the best of moods with any of us, due to a recent, very silly event. Ah well, part of life’s rich tapestry.”

She got some very sympathetic responses from other grandparents who have either gone through the same thing themselves, or know someone close to them who have.

Read more: ‘I’m getting divorced and want my daughter to have my last name’

“Don’t worry too much. Most families these days are ‘blended’ to some extent and I firmly believe the mental picture of the perfect normal family to be mainly myth,” one wrote.

Another added: “Many congratulations on your new grandson. I am sure you daughter-in-law will be aware of the family dynamics and will be very considerate.

“It sounds as if you have a really good relationship with her. Don’t try to second guess what your son and daughter-in-law will decide about visiting. Just enjoy the moment and give them time to adjust to the new addition, everything else will follow.”

And one wrote: “Well it’s going to happen, no matter what. Your paths will cross, there will be birthdays, christenings, and other family get togethers. The only thing you can do is take a deep breath and make it as easy as you can for everyone.

“It’s not unusual these days but it’s water under the bridge, and your role is to make sure that’s how it stays. Took our grandchild ages to realise that not everyone had 3 Grandads!”

Have you been in a situation like this? How do you manage big family events with an ex husband or partner?