‘Unreasonable daughter wants us to look after all three grandkids at once’

The love that grandparents have for their grandkids is undeniable with the majority of grans and grandads cherishing the precious time they get to spend with their children’s offspring. However looking after a number of youngsters at once is not without its challenges and can leave many grandparents struggling to cope.

That is the case for one couple who are embroiled in an uncomfortable dispute with their daughter who has denied them time with their grandkids unless they agree to look after all three at the same time.

Taking to online forum Gransnet, the upset grandfather explained how their daughter didn’t want them to have just their two grandsons, aged six and 12, over for a sleepover, without also caring for their four-year-old granddaughter.

He said: “Recently we asked our daughter to have the grandkids 2 boys sleep over, ages 6 and 12. The boys have been over many times and this would be the last time before the school year. Our daughter has replied no if you take the boys you have to take the grand daughter as well age 4.”

With limited room in their house, and not being quite as active as they once were, the man explained how their offer to have their granddaughter over separately on another night was also denied as the parents were worried that their little girl may feel left out.

“My wife told her we don’t have the beds nor the energy to do all three for a sleep over but would be happy to have her on her own sleep over,” he wrote. “She replied that her Husband has said she will feel left out so no. This seems unfair to me for her to dictate such unreasonable demands, but of course, being ‘just’ the grandparents we have no choice but to abide.”

Searching for ways to solve the issue, the grandad went on to ask for advice from fellow grandparents on how they would handle the situation without causing any more distress.

The grandparents received mix responses from forum users with some arguing that their daughter has the right to make the final decision.

“I think it’s odd that parents setting boundaries about their own children is considered dictating. I agree with your daughter, it’s all or non, but each to their own. Your daughters children equal her rules and yes you are only grandparents, you don’t have a say in parenting decisions sorry,” one person commented.

Chiming in, the grandfather was quick to defend himself, adding that they are just trying to understand the reasoning behind their daughter’s rules.

“I don’t want to sound like one of those whiners, however, this is wearing thin on my wife as she can’t understand her daughter’s reasoning. Once again I know the parents have the last say, this does not necessarily mean it is the correct thing to do. We will not fight her decision it is just difficult understanding the arbitrariness of it,” he wrote.

Thankfully for the grandparents, others were a little more understanding, offering advice on how they could get around the issue that is causing them much concern.

“I fully understand your thinking. Two boys of six and 12 can do a lot for themselves. Add a four-year-old and it’s a different ball game. Entertaining your four-year-old dgd (dear granddaughter) probably takes more energy than both boys put together,” one person said.

While another suggested: “One at a time may be a better way forward. You can lavish attention individually. Each child will have the excitement of waiting on their turn.”

Have you ever faced a similar situation? What advice would you give the grandparents?