A disgruntled woman has discovered the challenges faced in retirement as her husband chooses to spend time away from home and lazing on the couch instead of helping out with household chores.
Claiming the house is “disintegrating” around her, the retired wife says she’s fed up with the her husband, who refuses to pick up the slack and lend a helping hand – despite having plenty of spare time.
Venting her frustration on online forum Gransnet, the grandma said she is “at her wits end” and needs advice on how to make him pull his weight.
The grandma who is desperate for answers said she doesn’t have time to manage all of the chores in between looking after her 92-year-old mum, taking care of her grandkids, cooking, cleaning and shopping.
While her husband has different ideas about retirement, choosing to spend his time bowling, watching sport, in the garden and volunteering.
“I don’t know how to get him to pull his weight, he just says I’m nagging,” the grandma said, asking for advice from fellow women in the forum.
The woman’s plea for help was answered, with many sympathetic wives offering ways to solve the problem and get her husband out of the bowling shoes and into the house.
“You could ask him for his help to organise all the things that need done, including care of your grandkids and mother. Have a list and ask him to help you decide who should do what – you/him/paid help. Pin him down to whether he thinks total free time in retirement is only for him while you keep on working – paid employment is not the only kind of work,” one person suggested.
“Shocking that in this day and age there are so many men that still behave so selfishly like this, I so feel for you. Instead of asking why he treats you like this, twist it around and ask why are you allowing him to, As other have said get a cleaner, get a handy man, don’t cook him dinner, tell him you are on a diet and have salad and let him fend for himself. Don’t do his ironing either.. think how much control you actually have at your finger tips and ask yourself an honest question, in what way does he enhance your life? After all isn’t that what marriages are about, a partnership in love, respect, caring and helping each other,” another added.
While others weren’t quite as sympathetic, saying that her husband shouldn’t be painted as a selfish man.
“Your husband is dealing with the garden, which presumably benefits both of you, and is volunteering, so I think it’s unfair that he’s being seen by some as selfish. He does though need to take his share of the day to day stuff. Could he be persuaded to have a go at cooking all the garden produce? My husband discovered his inner chef when he retired after a lifetime of having no interest in it, and has taken over all the catering now, which is great. And/or he could share the childcare, which he might like and which would make life easier for you? I think the trick is to find things he would enjoy and that he would see as a good use of his retirement, that would also benefit you.”