Caring for the carer: Help is out there when it all gets too much

While it can be difficult to watch a loved one’s health deteriorate in their later years, many people don’t actually talk about the impacts caring for an ageing parent or ailing spouse has on a carer who chooses to look after their family member at home. A lot of carers don’t feel prepared to take on the role of a carer and are often overwhelmed by the emotional and physical stress it unexpectedly places on them. Others are simply too stubborn to ask for help or are unaware of the resources available that could make home-care options easier.

According to Carers Australia Victoria, half of all primary carers are on low income and face financial hardship when they step up to care for a loved one, with costs adding up due to extra expenses for medication, transport, heating and even laundry. Many carers become too focused on caring that they ignore their own health, with 40 per cent likely to ignore chronic issues such as back problems, anxiety and even depression.

It can also cause a carer to become socially isolated because the demands of caring can be overwhelming and leave little time for a social life or leisure activities. In turn, their busy caring schedule can cause them to miss out on opportunities in their own lives and leave them feeling frustrated and angry.

Brotherhood Aged Care regional team leader, Care at Home Kathy Harly says it’s important for carers to seek help sooner rather than later.

“Situations like this don’t get better, they get worse. In aged care, they usually don’t improve” she says, noting that it’s important to get an Aged Care Assessment Team assessment complete to get the ball rolling for if a loved one’s health deteriorates.

“We always say if you’ve got someone you’re caring for, get it done now, get the referral done for the assessment.” Kathy says. “At least you’ve got the package then and of course, as the care needs of a person increase, more services can be introduced because the package and the funding is there. Don’t leave it to a crisis.”

At Brotherhood, there is a variety of different services that not only improve the lives of a person in poor health, but also the person caring from them. This could include help with basic upkeeping of the home – including pet care, housekeeping, home maintenance or even help when it comes to preparing or serving meals.

Others may require assistance when it comes to personal care, and providers like Brotherhood can help with everything from bathing and grooming to medication and even running simple errands such as shopping or banking that have become difficult. Some take advantage of social activities and group outings, while Brotherhood can also assist with transportation to get people key appointments in tougher times.

In more extreme cases, dementia care and respite care are available, something that has helped Tina Jones, the wife of Brotherhood client Gary.

“My husband has declined quite a lot and he does go to respite where he can stay for a couple of nights and it gives me a little bit of a break to have the extra sleep,” she says. “He doesn’t sleep, he gets up at 4am in the morning and he’s going to the toilet for about an hour and a half continuously. By the time I finish doing that, put his ventilator on and try to settle him down, it’s pretty hard. To have that break gives me the opportunity to catch up on my sleep.”

It’s not the only way Brotherhood helps her, with the service taking Gary for drives and coffees several times a week and by helping him join a men’s shed where he interacts and socialises with others like him.

“That’s really good, because my husband was a person who went out all the time,” Tina notes. “He finds that really calming and gives him something to look forward to each week.”

The free time allows Tina to complete shopping, attend appointments and maintain her own social life with friends and family without the ongoing challenges that come with caring for someone who’s ill.

“It’s taken a bit of a burden off my shoulders to know that there’s help when I need it. I’m not the type to ask for help,” Tina says. “I think it’s made it a lot easier for me too.”

Meanwhile, Kathy says care providers are there to make the caring process easier for both the patient and their carer.

“We’re there at every step to guide them through, take it one step at a time and then we start making a plan,” Kathy says. “We let them know the procedure, but not overwhelm them. They know they’ve always got someone to ask and they know there’s an answer.

“Everybody here is true to the mission of Brotherhood, to help people who are vulnerable. It’s not a money-making thing and people here are extremely compassionate and will do anything to help people. It sets Brotherhood aside.”