The thing about grief is that it can strike at any time

It’s hard to believe that 23 years ago I lost my mum. She was in her 60s… Just as I am now!

Six months after her passing, in a church service, I was trying to sing the lovely hymn ‘Be Still My Soul’ and I felt her presence. Memories and thoughts came rushing into my mind and I broke down in tears. Why then, I wondered.

Mum had come to Australia from the United Kingdom around March-April for the Easter school holidays. My wife and I were teachers and both our sons were in school at the time. Unfortunately, after 24 hours she had a massive brain haemorage, but the last thing she said on standing up to go to bed was ‘Oh, I do feel funny’. We had been telling stories and having a great laugh only minutes before.

My father was fine with us having the funeral here. They had previously agree that they would be cremated when they died, so it meant there were few hassles with the arrangements.

The doctor in Australia got in touch with my mother’s doctor in the UK and with her medical history confirmed that there would be no need for an autopsy. We were grateful for this. We had only been living in town for a few years, yet the support of friends, colleagues and church folk was marvellous. It made the shock of her sudden death much easier to bear.

We kept ourselves busy at the weekend, and I remember ‘writing’ the eulogy in my head while mowing the lawn. Her service was held after work on a Tuesday to allow our supportive colleagues to attend. There was no need for a cemetery and the crematorium was 200km away. We had planned the service, but at the start a friend who had conducted a choir I’d been involved in asked if he could sing a hymn for us. We were glad for him to do it.

Six months on I had unconsciously remembered the hymn. Emotionally, it was as though time had stood still. The hym was ‘Be Still My Soul’.

That’s the thing about grief. It can hit you at any time. You shouldn’t be surprised if weeks or months or even years after a loss a song, a sound or even the taste or smell of something brings back memories of a loved one you have lost. Neither should you feel frightened or ashamed of your suddent feeling of sadness — it is just a measure of the love you have for that person.

How have you had to deal with grief? What are some of the ways in which you remember your departed loved ones?

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